Collected from various sources. Originally from rec.humor and has
been extended over the years.
|THE AFTERSHOCK SHIT|
|This shit has an odor so powerful that anyone entering the
vicinity within the next 7 hours is affected.
|THE ALIEN SHIT|
|Green. 'Nuff said. -firstname.lastname@example.org|
|THE ANDREW SHIT|
|Like an old friend named Andrew, this one just never quite
goes away. Apparently it considers itself special. Bring a book, cuz
this one is NEVER finished. -anonymous
|THE BACK-TO-NATURE SHIT|
|This shit may be of any variety but is always deposited
either in the woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your
|THE BATHTUB SHIT|
|You thought you were making bubbles, but much to your suprise
..... -Jarrod Gillman 05/23/96
|THE BOMBSHELL SHIT|
|A shit that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is
either inappropriate to shit (ie. during lovemaking or a root canal)
or you are nowhere near shitting facilities.
|THE BORN AGAIN SHIT|
|After taking this load off, you feel like a new man (or
|THE BRAIN HEMORRAHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE SHIT|
|Also known as "Pop a Vein in your Forehead Shit". You have to
strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have
|THE BUDDHIST SHIT|
|The one that requires an hour of meditation.
|The kind of shit that you get from eatting lunch with your
|THE CLAY SHIT|
|The shit that is so big, hard and so difficult to get out of
your sphyncter that you have to stand up and sit down a few times to
mold it into the right shape to get rid of it. -anonymous
|THE CLEAN SHIT|
|The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit in the bowl,
but there's no shit on the toilet paper.
|THE COLLEGE STUDENT THAT COMES HOME FOR THANKSGIVING SHIT|
|The most solid shit the student has had since going to
|THE CONTEMPLATED SHIT|
|Does a shit in the toilet make a plop when there is no one
around to hear it? -email@example.com
|THE CORN SHIT|
|THE CRACKER SHIT|
|The shit that resembles that cracker you had a few minutes
|THE CROWD PLEASER|
|This shit is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you
have to show it to someone before flushing.
|THE DANGER SHIT|
|The one where you have to evacuate the country until the
smell goes down. -anonymous
|THE DEAD WEIGHT SHIT|
|The kind where when your done you feal 10 pounds lighter.
|THE DIETICIAN'S DELIGHT SHIT|
|Shit that both sinks and floats in your toilet, proving to
anyone who cares that you had eaten a proper diet. -firstname.lastname@example.org
|THE DINGLEBERRY SHIT|
|This is a living shit. After a well taken shit (often
"Rabbit" shit), you flush. However the "dingleberry" never goes down.
It sits at the bottom looking up at you. Often you leave before you
see it. The next person usually finds another stall because they are
afraid of the dingleberry, as if the dingleberry is saying, "Go away.
Get the hell out of here. This is my home." -Kevin Bell
|THE DISOLVING SHIT|
|The shit that came out solid but them disperses and turns the
water all murky brown. -anonymous
|THE ELASTIC SHIT|
|This shit comes out, goes into the can, then feels like it's
back in your ass again. -anonymous 04/04/96
|THE ENERGIZER SHIT|
|It keeps going and going and going and going...|
|THE EXPANDO SHIT|
|This shit feels small coming out, but blows up like a balloon
as soon as it hits unpressurized space. -Alfred Watts 05/24/96
|THE EXPLOSIVE SHIT|
|It is the kind that hits hard and comes out so fast that you
think you are going to shoot off the toilet bowl through the ceiling.
|THE FART SUPRISE SHIT|
|When you go in and sit on the toilet fart once and your
empty. When you get up the toilet is full.
|THE FIRE IN THE BOWL SHIT|
|The kind of poopie that singes the hair around your butt from
the big feed of Mexican food the night before.
|THE FLAMING SHIT|
|These are shits you get from drinking cheap swill.
|THE FLOATER SHIT|
|Characterized by its floatability, this shit has been known
to resurface after many flushings.
|THE FLOCK OF SEAGULLS SHIT|
|You drank some very yeasty beer the night before, you're
driving along the only stretch of freeway with no service station for
the next 50 miles, you skid to a halt when you get there, drop your
pants on your way in to the trap, and there's an immediate explosion,
followed by the realization that there's a new mottled wall-paper on
the wall behind the bowl.
|THE FOUNTAIN SHIT|
|The kind that comes out so fast and furious (like a fountain
sprinkler) as to cause the foul toilet water to splash up on your
buttocks. Which, in turn, makes you feel unfresh the rest of the day.
|THE FOREST SHIT|
|The one that only hits you when you're six miles into the
|THE GEE, I REALLY WISH I COULD SHIT SHIT|
|The kind where you want to shit, but even after straining
your guts out, all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and
|THE GHOST SHIT|
|The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit on the toilet
paper, but there's no shit in the bowl.
|THE GROANER SHIT|
|A shit so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance.|
|THE GUINESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS SHIT|
|A shit so noteworthy it should be recorded for future
|THE GUM-BALL SHIT|
|This is characterized by small, pink (..green, white or
blue..) spots that result from swallowing your gum. You always want to
tell somebody about it. -Bob Fox 06/27/96
|THE HEY LUCY, I'M HOME SHIT|
|You flush the toilet, it all dissapears, but a second later,
one floats back. -anonymous
|THE HONEYMOON'S OVER SHIT|
|This is any shit created in the presence of another person.|
|THE HYPNOTIC SHIT|
|Shit where you finish, look at it, and it's so beautiful, all
you can do is just stare at it in wonder and delight. -Sykodelic
|THE I HAVEN'T SHIT IN A WEEK SHIT|
|On the verge of using an eniema, you know you have to go, or
|THE I JUST KNOW THERE'S A TURD STILL DANGLING THERE SHIT|
|Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last
cling-on to drop off because if you wipe now, it's going to smear all
over the place.
|THE I KNOW IT'S IN THERE SOMEWHERE SHIT|
|Kinda the same as the "It's too late now shit," except the
victim can be heard screaming, "Get out here right now! I know you're
in there! Stop hiding! Don't make me come in after you!" -email@example.com
|THE I THINK I'M GIVING BIRTH THROUGH MY ASSHOLE SHIT|
|Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap Shits. The
shape and size of the turd resembles a tall boy beer can. Vacuous air
space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards.
|THE I THINK I'M TURNING INTO A BUNNY SHIT|
|When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like
marbles and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water.
|THE I'M GOING TO CHEW MY FOOD BETTER SHIT|
|When the bag of Doritos you ate last night lacerates the
insides of your rectum on the way out in the morning.
|THE IT'S TOO LATE NOW SHIT|
|After holding it in for too long, you try and go, but nothing
comes out. You know it's still in there, though... Needless to say,
very frusterating (and uncomfortable). -firstname.lastname@example.org
|THE LINCOLN LOG SHIT|
|The kind of shit that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it
down without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet
|THE LIQUID PLUMBER SHIT|
|This kind of shit is so big it plugs up the toilet and it
overflows all over the floor. (You should have followed the advice
from the Lincoln Log Shit.)
|THE LIQUID SHIT|
|That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of
your butt, splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the
same time, chronically burns your tender poop-chute.
|THE MAGIC SHIT|
|Possibly the most perfect poopie. It is like the "Clean" shit
in that you don't have to wipe, but like the "Ghost" shit it
dissapears. You do feel very relieved like you have done a good
|THE MEXICAN FOOD SHIT|
|A class all its own.|
|THE MOOD ENHANCER|
|This shit occurs after a lengthy period of constipation,
thereby allowing you to be your old self again.
|THE MY INTESTINES ARE IN THE TOILET SHIT|
|This shit hurts so bad coming out that it makes you feel like
you have nothing inside you anymore. When you look in the toilet it
looks like your intestines.-anonymous
|THE NEVER ENDING SHIT|
|The shit that keeps coming out with no end and even when you
think you are finished, it is still there, hanging out of your butt.
|THE NOTORIUS DRINKER SHIT|
|The kind of shit you have the morning after a long night of
drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the
bottom of the toilet bowl after you flush.
|THE OH-SHIT SHIT|
|Like the Wet Shit in that you wipe 50 times before you are
satisfied, but like the Second Wave Shit because after you clog up
your toilet you have to go again. -Ian Schwartz 03/31/96
|THE OLYMPIC SHIT|
|This shit occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any
competitive event in which you are entered and bears a close
resemblance to the Drinker's Shit.
|THE ORGASMIC SHIT|
|It feels like all your troubles are over once you've finished
this shit. Its orgasmic, once you have finished it you jump up and
down for joy. -anonymous
|THE PEANUT SHIT|
|Peanuts in your turds, left over from the plane.
|THE PEBBLES-FROM-HEAVEN SHIT|
|An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a
gift from God when you actually CAN'T shit.
|THE PEEK-A-BOO SHIT|
|Now you see it, now you don't. This shit is playing games
with you. Requires patience and muscle control.
|THE PHANTOM SHIT|
|This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit
to putting it there.
|THE PISSING OUT OF YOUR BUTT SHIT|
|Feels like your pissing out of your butt. -email@example.com|
|THE POLITICALLY CORRECT SHIT|
|Shit that isn't too long, isn't too short, floats and sinks,
and doesn't smell. -firstname.lastname@example.org
|THE PORRIDGE SHIT|
|The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on
coming. You have two choices: (a) flush and keep going, or (b) risk it
piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless.
|THE POWER DUMP SHIT|
|The kind that comes out so fast, you barely get your pants
down when you're done.
|THE PREMEDITATED SHIT|
|Laxative induced. Doesn't count.|
|THE PRESSURIZED SHIT|
|The shit that comes out so fast that you wonder what is going
on. Then after it is finished coming out you let out a big fart that
was behind it pushing it out. -anonymous
|THE PUBLIC SHIT|
|The only time you make a lot of foul noises is when there are
lots of people around to hear it. -email@example.com
|THE RANGER SHIT|
|A shit which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to
engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only
solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper.
|THE RAWHIDE SHIT|
|Shit you hold in so long that when you finally let it go, it
comes out with very leathery texture. -firstname.lastname@example.org
|THE RIBBED FOR HER PLEASURE SHIT|
|You know, the kind that comes out looking like the elephant
man...And makes you feel like you passed one (an elephant that is).
|THE RICHARD SIMMONS SHIT|
|This is when you strain so hard you lose thirty pounds in the
|THE RITUAL SHIT|
|This shit occurs at the same time each day and is
accomplished with the aid of a newspaper.
|THE RUDE SHIT|
|This shit makes a plea for help like it is drowning. It makes
a loud noise that will be heard two to three blocks down. Very
|THE SALSA SHIT|
|Burns bad before, during, and after. -email@example.com|
|THE SECOND WAVE SHIT|
|This shit happens when you've finished, your pants are up to
your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to shit some more.
|THE SHIT THAT YOU CAN SEE WHAT YOU ATE THE LAST 24 HOURS|
|This shit usually occurs after you have eaten too many grapes
or too much fruit. It is very runny and when you look in the toilet
after you are done you can see all of little food particles floating
around in the toilet. -Hi.firstname.lastname@example.org
|THE SILLY STRING SHIT|
|A thin shit that swirls around the bowl in one, continuous,
unbroken link. Generally will leave it's mark after flushing. You have
the urge to call someone to come and look. -email@example.com
|THE SINKER SHIT|
|Shit that sinks like lead to the bottom of the toilet, like
rocks thrown in a pond. -firstname.lastname@example.org
|THE SNAKE CHARMER|
|A long skinny shit which has managed to coil itself into a
frightening position - usually harmless.
|THE SPINAL TAP SHIT|
|The kind of shit that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear
it's got to be coming out sideways.
|THE SPRAY PAINTER SHIT|
|This one leaves every square inch of the bowl, under the
seat, and your ass covered in shit. -Robert Ponzi 06/06/96
|THE STAR WARS SHIT|
|The one that looks like Yoda and gives you special powers.
|THE SUPERMAN SHIT|
|Comes out of your ass faster than a speeding bullet. -Jared
|THE TURBO-CHARGER SHIT|
|You're sitting there, minding your business, so to speak,
thinking everything is normal, and suddenly there is a totally
unexpected, yet full and robust passing of wind, followed by more,
perfectly normal shit. This typically results in a completely soaked
|THE UPPER CLASS SHIT|
|This is the poopie that doesn't stink.
|THE WET CHEEKS SHIT|
|Also known as the "Power Dump". That's the kind that comes
out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the
|THE WET SHIT|
|You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So
you end up putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so
you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.
|THE WHAMMO SHIT|
|The shit that went through your system like a slip-n'-slide.
|THE WHAT THE HELL DIED IN HERE? SHIT|
|Also sometimes referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you
don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odor. Instead, you stand
innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gaggin and
gasping for air.
|THE CHOCOLATE SHIT|
|The shit that has the exact color of chocolate.|
|THE BLACK SHIT|
|The shit that's so black that you wonder what's wrong.|
|THE DAVE'S INSANITY SHIT|
|The shit that's so painful you wov to never ever eat hot food again!|
|THE PANIC SHIT|
|The shit that appears before you have had time to locate a toilet or even lower your pants.|
|THE URGENT SHIT|
|The shit that has to be done RIGHT NOW, even if it requires sitting over the railing at the highway.|
|THE DIARRHEA SHIT|
|Same as the wet shit but occurs so often that you barely have time to recover from the last one.|
|THE SOUR HERRING SHIT|
|The shit that smells like... Uh? Is there a major gas leak or have you been chasing skunks?|